Book Review: How To Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything...Yes Anything! (By Albert Ellis)
Long before emotional intelligence there was Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. (Previously called Rational Emotive Therapy until it was updated in the early nineties).
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy was the brainchild of the quirky, irascible, opinionated (and hugely influential psychologist) Albert Ellis. In the world of wishy-washy non-directive psychoanalysis of the 1950s, Ellis’ radical approach was brash, vulgar and demonstrably effective. (His propensity to vulgar language is not greatly evident in this book.)
In his cognitive-behavioral clinical practice, Ellis treated his patients using a Socratic (asking questions) approach. Flip-flopping between the patient’s rational and irrational beliefs, Ellis would hammer his patients with questions until they talked themselves out of their irrational beliefs and overly-emotional states.
Emotion From An Unconventional Perspective
In the opening chapters, Ellis systematically presents an arresting argument: Thinking scientifically you can - quite literally - refuse to make yourself miserable.
Ellis’ core objective was to show his patients how to separate “rational preferences” from “irrational insistences”. In Ellis’ view, the more realistically you think, the less emotionally distressed you will become. So, if irrational beliefs lead to inappropriate emotions (such as anger, depression or anxiety), replacing them with rational preferences would lead to appropriate emotions (such as irritation, sadness or concern.)
In Ellis’ own words: “Going beyond your desires and inventing powerful demands turns appropriate into inappropriate feelings: Because I would like to be successful, I absolutely must be successful.”
The remainder of the book consists of a series of unconventional insights. (Ellis dismisses conventional insights as “drivel”.) Every chapter resonates with his savagely counterintuitive take on emotional control. Try these emphatic statements for size…
- “Practically all emotional turmoil and human misery is unnecessary and unethical.”
- “Feelings of inferiority arise from God-like demands”
- “You are a master of rationalization, self-delusion and bigotry.”
Your Emotional ABCs
The book also introduces the classic ABCs of Rational Emotive Therapy—activating events (A) beliefs (B) and consequences (C). This is a systematic approach where you reverse-engineer your emotional state so you can identify and reevaluate the irrational beliefs that are driving your overly emotional states. (Not as tricky as it sounds.)
The book is also punctuated with a series of exercises where you get to practice your ABCs. For example, reevaluating a recent bout of anxiety, anger or depression through the Rational Emotive Therapy lens.
Conclusion
A times this book is difficult to follow. When this is coupled with the unconventional nature of Ellis’ insights, it’s easy to dismiss his ideas and move on to something a little more readable. Frankly, that would be a huge blunder.
In addition to Ellis’ inestimable impact on the world of talk-therapy, Ellis’ ideas have had tremendous influence on both my professional and personal life…often giving me a sense of proportion on occasions when I’ve felt stressed and overloaded. Rational Emotive Therapy takes practice, but it works.
Highly recommended!
For a totally different take on emotional states, specifically happiness…we turn to a review of the book "Happier" (by Tal Ben-Shahar) Happier
