Your Emotion Brain – I'm A Jerk Reflex
It is an almost universally held misconception for people to believe that their overly emotional states (like fear, anger and guilt) are caused by other people and situations. Here’s the truth: Only one person in the entire world can make you overly upset. And that person (drum roll please) is…YOU!
To explain this, let’s talk about the “I’m A Jerk” reflex…
The I’m-A-Jerk Reflex
I'm sure you're familiar with the knee jerk reflex. If you tap the tendon below your knee cap, your foot jerks outward. One nerve carries an impulse from the tendon into the spinal cord where it connects with another nerve that activates the muscles responsible for moving the limb. The tap is called the stimulus and the reflexive movement of your foot is called the response.
Eliciting a knee-jerk reflex was one of the first things I learned when I began the clinical part of my training at medical school. I was given a tendon hammer—which looks like a small rubber tire on the end of a stick—and let loose. As soon as I hit the wards, I began to hit the patients…
Once I got the hang of eliciting the knee-jerk reflex, I discovered that—in the absence of disease—it always worked. Each and every time I hit the patella tendon, the patient’s foot would fly up. The response was so uniform that, after a short while—and much to my patients’ relief—I got bored and moved on.
The I’m-A-Jerk Reflex
Social stimuli also appear to provoke a response. If the response is excessive, I call it the I'm-a-jerk reflex. You already know the situations that trigger your I'm-a-jerk reflexes (possibly the one you're thinking about right now). Just like the knee-jerk reflex it seems as if, each and every time someone hits a raw nerve, you overreact. Time and time again. No change, same results.
However, if you allow these experiences to lead you to the conclusion that pressing one of your hot buttons actually causes a response, then you're making a big mistake. While you may believe it does, and even act as if it does, there's an important distinction between your knee-jerk reflex and I'm-a-jerk reflexes.
An Important Distinction
The crucial difference between the knee-jerk reflex and the I'm-a jerk-reflex is that the former is a true biological reflex, the latter is not. The biological reflexes are the only responses you make that aren't governed by your outlook. The stimulus alone determines the response:
“Stimulus” leads to “Response”
In contrast, the I'm-a-jerk reflex is a misnomer. That’s because, when you’re being a jerk, you can’t blame it on a biological reflex. Although it often seems as if social stimuli—like your boss yelling, your kids being noisy or your spouse missing dinner—dictate your response, they don’t. How you see the stimulus determines your response.
The core Perspective PowerTM principle is…
“Perspective” drives “Response” (Every one of your thoughts, feelings and actions)
And that’s the core difference between the knee-jerk reflex and the I’m-a-jerk reflex. It doesn’t matter how you see the knee-jerk reflex, you foot will still fly up each and every time I tap your patella tendon. Whereas, it’s the way you view the social stimulus that determines your response to it. In other words, the stimulus is “filtered” by your perspective:
Stimulus…Perspective…Response (Every one of your thoughts, feelings and actions)
Don’t be fooled by the simplicity of this principle. It holds the key to learning how to manage your emotions and take action in accordance with your highest priorities.
Me, Myself and I…
When something happens to you—regardless of how "valid" it might seem to get happy, sad or mad—it's how you see the situation, never the event itself, that determines every aspect of how you actually respond. This shift in thinking becomes especially powerful when we combine it with another of our central principles. Do you recall who's accountable for the way you see a situation? Say it with me: "I'm solely responsible—without exception—for my point of view. Therefore, you're also totally responsible—without exception—for the way you respond to a situation.
When something happens, you make yourself happy, sad or mad. It's imperative you're totally clear on this point; other people and things don't make you feel anything. You make yourself feel these emotions. This distinction lies at the core of emotional maturity.
And you upset yourself by telling Toxic Stories...
