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Graduates of my Presentation Skills workshops know that the most effective way of grabbing people’s attention - bar none - is to say or do something that’s totally unexpected yet completely relevant to their highest-priority problem.

A Home Run!
I’m waiting in line behind a customer who’s looking for a book; nothing unexpected there! At this moment her most relevant high-priority problem is locating the book. (I’m not suggesting, of course, that it’s the biggest problem in her life. It’s simply the most relevant problem right now.)

Borders didn’t have any copies of the book in stock. The helpful and friendly sales assistant offered to check other Borders bookstores in the neighborhood. Nice, but nothing unexpected. Then she hit a home run…

After discovering that the other local Borders stores were also out of stock, and without being asked, the sales assistant called ‘Barnes and Noble’ and checked the book’s availability with them. Amazing, unexpected - and so attention grabbing - customer service.

No doubt about it, this is ‘big picture’ customer service. Seeing way beyond the sale of a $20 book and providing an attention-grabbing experience that builds customer loyalty longer term.

Come Back Wednesday!
I had a similar experience trying to fly home from Orlando after a speech. It began when I was told by an airline gate-agent to: "Go away, and come back Wednesday!" - it was Saturday!

Fortunately, a passing flight attendant from Southwest Airlines overheard the comment, approached me and announced: "Sir, I bet I can fix your problem!"

…and she did. She walked with me to a Southwest gate-agent and arranged a flight with them. I cancelled my flight with _______ and flew home on Southwest.

Did I complain to the other airline? No, life’s too short. Did I vote with my feet? You bet! I haven’t flown with them since. And, once again, Southwest demonstrated how it stays profitable, year after year, when other airlines are floundering.

Your Turn…
I which areas of your job could you provide unexpected, attention-grabbing customer service? Don’t deal directly with customers? Then which internal customers (i.e. your work colleagues) could you amaze?

When you adopt the "provide unexpected customer service" mindset, you’ll spot opportunities to build brand loyalty all around you. Go for it!

Here’s my answer: I’m a fool for feedback. During my career I’ve gathered a team of trusted advisors that I can turn to for tough, honest feedback. It is, without doubt, the smartest thing I’ve ever done.

Feedback is essential for success. One of the factors that characterizes high-achievers is their passion for feedback; it’s how they monitor the effectiveness of their actions.

In my last Perspective Power^TM Message, I discussed the vital importance of taking action. The next step is to obtain accurate feedback so you can adjust your ongoing actions as required. We all have a terrifyingly limited perspective on our own performance. And so, while self-evaluation is important, we need input from other people.

After my speeches and training programs, we always ask to see the feedback forms. For the ego trip? Sure, a little bit. But, most importantly, so I can get real-time, accurate feedback from the people who—in my professional life—matter most; my audiences.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
As I travel around the country speaking to business audiences, when it comes to feedback, I’m often struck by the unofficial "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" policy operating in many organizations.

We "don’t ask" because of a mental quirk called Pseudo-Mind-Reading. And, when we "don’t tell," we curse those around us with polite indifference.

"Steve, what the heck is Pseudo-Mind-Reading?"

Pseudo-Mind-Reading
In order to explain ‘Pseudo-Mind-Reading’, let’s talk about the dolphins at SeaWorld. I love watching them pose for applause after performing their acrobatic tricks. And, while I’m well aware that the trainers feed them fish throughout the show, I find it surprisingly easy to ignore this obvious clue to what the dolphins are most likely thinking; ‘Forget the applause, just give me more fish!’

Instead, I choose to confer human motives on their behavior. I imagine them relishing the adulation, conceiving of their cheeky interaction with the crowd and understanding the significance of the trainer’s kiss. I’m watching what the dolphins are doing and making assumptions about what they’re thinking. In short, I’m assuming that I can read a dolphin’s mind!

Pseudo-Mind-Reading, inferring thinking from behavior, is something we all do habitually. Unfortunately, when we feel that we already know what colleagues think of our performance, we stop seeking the vital feedback that would enable us to hone our skills.

Three Concrete Steps
Here are three sure-fire steps for overcoming Pseudo-Mind-Reading:
1. Wake up to the fact that Pseudo-Mind-Reading prevents you grasping your need for feedback.

2. Be especially aware of Pseudo-Mind-Reading when you notice thoughts like:

• He never tells me, but I know that he likes my work.
• We lost that account and everybody feels that it was my fault.
• Even though I’ve never asked my boss for a promotion, she knows that I want one.

3. Seek 360-Degree Feedback: We need feedback from our subordinates as much as we need feedback from our peers and managers. Your personal assistant will have a much clearer idea of how you sound on the telephone than you do.

This truth is the cornerstone of a feedback technique from Robert E. Kelley. If you’re feeling brave and truly committed to seeking the fast track for excellence, then try his idea. It’s called ‘360 Degree Feedback’ and is described in his book ‘How To Be A Star At Work’. Seek feedback from your manager, your peers and your subordinates. Ask for your strengths and weaknesses. Two tips on executing this powerful strategy:

• If you’re looking for honest feedback then don’t, under any circumstances, get defensive. You’re not looking for compliments but  seeking a point by point review of your current performance.
• Although executing this technique requires a fair degree of courage, remember that acting on the feedback will give you a security in your performance and a level of self-confidence that you would otherwise not enjoy.

By the way, if your reply to the question at the beginning of this message wasn’t feedback, but something else entirely, then I would love to hear your answer. And whatever it is, if it’s worked well for you, then do more of it!

On Wednesday, February 6, I’ll write about "The Curse Of Polite Indifference," the other barrier to obtaining accurate feedback.

Steve

PS: Feel free to leave your feedback below

I was sharing this story with one of my clients and she told me that someone had recently said to her: "I hope I dress as sharply as you when I’m your age." Double - back handed compliment - ouch!

How would you complete this sentence? "You know you’re getting old when…"

Nevertheless, I thought you guys might enjoy a chuckle at my expense.

The clip is from a BBC TV show I did just after my 14 birthday. Here goes nothing…

My vote is creepy…very creepy!

Let the comments begin…

Steve

I’ve a confession to make. I was "upgrading" this blog—cyber-speak for "temporarily messing up" my blog—when something unspeakable and irreversible happened to the goal-setting article links.

So, my apologies to those of you who tried to read my articles over the weekend. At best, you found no article and, at worst…nothing but a picture of me!

You can find all three articles—a kind of  "goal-setting combo"—here => Goal-Setting Articles

And you can most definitely leave comments about them; and I’d be thrilled to hear from you.

Wishing you continued success,

Steve

And yet, despite feeling uncomfortable, you—with a tip of the hat to Nike—just do it! Fact is, if every day you waited to feel comfortable before crawling out of bed and going to work, you’d be unemployed!

Here’s a thought: If you could harness your ability to feel uncomfortable and still take action—i.e. get out of bed—to other areas of your life you’d be hugely successful at whatever you put your mind to. 

Last week I described how your Emotion Brain sends you "fear messages" and makes you feel uncomfortable every time you try something new. I concluded by suggesting that, to beat your Emotion Brain, you must get comfortable being uncomfortable and take action anyway.

And this is where, for most people, rubber hits road. When people feel uncomfortable, unless they’ve conditioned themselves to take action, they’ll give up every time! Which explains why most people, despite the best of intentions, make half-hearted efforts which peter out long before they achieve their goals.

The formula for taking action is simple: Take the first step, be persistent and finish the task…and repeat until your goal is achieved. Unfortunately, every step of the way there are psychological pitfalls you need to avoid. Watch out for the "WARNINGS".

Lets look at each step in turn…

Take The First Step…Today!
In part one of this series, I taught you how to define a believable journey towards your goals with an awareness of the psychological pitfalls en route. Then, in part two I described how, whenever you try to change your behavior, your Emotion Brain sends you "fear messages" that stack the odds of success against you. I concluded by suggesting that, after you chart a detailed course towards your goal, take the first step.

Taking concrete action is the fundamental unit of change. And so, once you’ve defined your journey, planned your approach and decided to act, don’t hang around waiting for the perfect moment…pull the trigger.

(Steve’s note: I’ve chosen a war metaphor—pull the trigger—because you are, in no uncertain terms, at war with your Emotion Brain.)

WARNING #1: Whenever you make the decision to do something, it’s critical you follow through. It’s your Emotion Brain that triggers your habitual, repetitive behavior; good and bad. And so, every time you don’t follow through on a task you’ve set yourself, you’re reinforcing your bad habits, increasing the likelihood you’ll wimp out next time and conditioning yourself to fail. That’s why failing to do what you’ve decided to do is so psychologically damaging; please don’t do that to yourself.

Solution: Don’t allow your Emotion Brain to dictate whether or not you take action. Instead, once you’ve made the decision to act—just like climbing out of bed on a cold day—grit your teeth and go for it. Remember, motion overcomes emotion.

Be Relentless
After taking the first step each action builds on the previous action.

WARNING #2: Once you’ve committed to taking action, don’t debate your options every day. For example, let’s say you’ve decided that, as part of a New Year fitness plan, you need to spend thirty minutes a day on the treadmill. It’s easy to catch yourself asking: "How about, instead of thirty minutes on the treadmill today, I do a whole hour tomorrow?" Yea right! Or second guess: ‘I wonder if I should have opted for step aerobics?’ Constantly rehashing your approach is a surefire path to perpetual failure; your Emotion Brain will freeze you in your tracks.

Solution: During the initial planning stage, determine how long you’re going to take action before evaluating the success of your approach and then stick to it.

WARNING #3: Don’t always expect immediate positive results. How long did it take you to learn to ride a bike? A month? Longer? For some unknown reason, when we reach adulthood, if success isn’t immediate then "Something must be wrong with us or our approach."

Solution: Initially, rather than focusing on results, focus on completing the tasks you’ve set yourself. Be relentless, build unstoppable momentum…and be patient.

Finish The Task
Complete the tasks you promised yourself you’d complete; starting and finishing are equally important. When you finish a task you set out to do, you begin to see yourself has someone who’s accountable and gets the job done. And self-trust is incredibly empowering.

WARNING #4: Watch out for the—I’m an "Idea Person"—red flag. I’m a huge fan of ideas, especially simple ideas. However, when people think of themselves as "Idea People," it’s often a rationalization for all the unfinished projects sitting around their office.

Solution: Think of yourself as a "Completed Idea Person". Be unswerving, keep going until the task is done…and then reward yourself.

WARNING #5: Don’t think that you’re above needing a reward: "I don’t need that kind of motivation." Yes, you do! We all do! It’s part of your core brain hardwiring. When you reward yourself, your Emotional Brain sits up and pays attention. And so reward is an important way of reconditioning your Emotion Brain to equate action with pleasure, now and always.

…And Ramp Up The Pain
WARNING # 6: If you don’t ramp up the pain of failure, you’re far more likely to quit. The ancient Greeks pointed out that virtually everything you do stems from your need to enhance pleasure or avoid pain. We’ve already discussed how you can increase the pleasure of finishing a task by rewarding yourself.

Solution: One way is to announce your plans to the world! You’re far less likely to procrastinate or give up. Why? Because you don’t want the embarrassment of having to explain to your family, friends and peers that you couldn’t stick to your commitments.

So, bite the bullet, and tell your family about your big goal. Talk about it at work. And if you have one, post it on your MySpace page!

"This year, I will lose 30 lbs." … "This year, I’m learning conversational Spanish." … "This year, I’m completing my professional certification."

Which reminds me…I will have finished writing my book by the end of June…I need you guys to help me with this. Hold me accountable; please

Next time, on Wednesday, January 23, we’ll talk about feedback.

Wishing you continued success,

Steve

PS: I would love to hear your feedback.

This week and next week, I’m going to explain why most people—even those with clearly defined objectives—fail to achieve their goals, and teach you what to do about it. 

Most people flunk out because they don’t know about, and fail to manage, their Emotion Brain. Remember this fact for the rest of your life, it’s that important: Whenever you try to change your behavior, your Emotion Brain stacks the odds against you.

"Steve, what the heck is my Emotion Brain?"

Your Emotion Brain
Your Emotion Brain is the part of your brain that scans your environment and instantly triggers a physical response to anything perceived as threatening. Let’s say, for example, that you don’t like spiders. One day, while cleaning behind your desk, you unexpectedly encounter a big, hairy example of the species; eek! You have your Emotion Brain to thank for your immediate retreat, racing heart and clammy palms.

In addition to triggering physical "fight-or-flight" responses to scary spiders, your Emotion Brain also sends signals to other parts of your brain that you interpret as feelings. That’s why I call it the Emotion Brain. For example, when you feel afraid of a spider, your Emotion Brain is responsible.

Your Emotion Brain And Change
Unfortunately, your Emotion Brain also codes anything unfamiliar—including any changes in your behavior—as "threatening". And so, whenever you try to change your behavior in order to achieve a goal, your Emotion Brain sends "fear messages" that leave you feeling uncomfortable.

As a result, you retreat from the behavior in order to resolve your discomfort. This is why, if you let it, your Emotion Brain will resist any attempts you make to change. And, if you don’t change, you won’t ever grow towards your true potential. If you allow it, your Emotion Brain will immobilize you, block your personal development and prevent you achieving your goals, day in and day out, until you die!

How To Manage Your Emotion Brain
If you followed the outline I gave you last week, you’re crystal clear about where you are (Situation A) and where you want to be (Situation B). At this point, as you plan your approach (the steps that will move your from A to B), it’s mission critical you keep your Emotion Brain in check.

Here are some common "fear messages" from your Emotion Brain and how to deal with them…

Fear message #1: "I must stop, I’m overwhelmed"
When you’re in limbo between Situations A and B, your Emotion Brain will send "fear messages" that leave you feeling overwhelmed. When this occurs, and it will, you’ll be tempted to give in to your Emotion Brain and retreat back to the starting point.

Here’s a better strategy: As you plan your approach, reduce your "fear quotient" by positioning simple, specific and sequential steps between Situations A and B. Even if—in accordance with last week’s advice—you’ve set yourself an entirely believable goal, it’s still vital that you divide your challenge into small, easily completed, steps.

What’s more if, despite your planning, you still feel overwhelmed en route from A to B, refuse to give in to your Emotion Brain. Instead, divide the step you’re finding challenging into even smaller, and easier to complete, tasks. Remember: If the individual tasks are too big, your Emotion Brain will overwhelm you with "fear messages" and your goal won’t be achieved. Chunking up the challenge is a simple and effective way of ensuring that doesn’t happen.

Fear message #2: "I can’t do it!"
People hear their Emotion Brain whisper: "You can’t do it!" And they conclude, wrongly, that they weren’t meant to try and give up. Whenever you doubt your ability to complete the task, ask yourself, calmly: "Do I have the necessary skills and knowledge?" If the answer’s "No," don’t give up, get educated.

It’s an easy fix. Take an evening class, read a book by an acknowledged expert. Whatever your challenge, feed your head with sufficient high-quality information to give you the self-confidence you need to silence your Emotion Brain and act decisively.

Fear Message #3: "What if [insert nasty outcome here]?"
Another way your Emotion Brain holds you hostage is to send you endless: "What if [insert nasty outcome here]?" questions. For example:

"I could let my boss know I’m interested in the supervisor position, but what if I don’t get hired?" 

"What if I write my novel and no one wants to publish it?"

Moreover, one "What If?" leads to another. This mental process is called catastrophizing: "I could volunteer to speak at my company’s national sales meeting, but what if I bomb? … What if my failed presentation upsets my boss and I lose my job? … What if I’m too old to get another job in my industry?" … And so on…

As you plan your approach, pay specific attention to contingencies. What will you do if your worst fear happens? Let’s say you can’t get anyone interested in publishing your novel. What contingency plans might you consider? You could seek a literary agent to represent you. Alternatively, you might consider self-publishing your book or setting up a website and selling your novel as an online ebook. 

The important thing is to have multiple contingency plans in place before you take action towards your goal. Then when your Emotion Brain starts asking "What If?" you’ll have your answers in place. Bottom line: A contingency plan turns a "What if ______ happens?" into a "So what if _______ happens!"

The Worst "What If?" Of All
If you allow your Emotion Brain to hold you hostage, at the end of your life you get to ask the worst "What If?" question of all:

"What if I’d been less afraid, what might I have accomplished?"

To beat your Emotion Brain, you must be willing to be comfortable being uncomfortable and take action anyway. Don’t let your Emotion Brain win. Don’t give in to the instinct to freeze whenever you enter unfamiliar territory. If you wait until you feel comfortable to begin making changes in your life, you’ll never take action or achieve your potential.

Bottom line: Take action, the first step, even a small step. And, next week, I’ll teach you how to condition your Emotion Brain for success.

Happy New Year,

Steve

This glib answer makes setting and achieving goals sound so easy, doesn’t it? And yet, let’s be honest, making changes to your behavior so you can achieve your dreams is tough, really tough. Fact is, if you have a track record in any area, it’s highly likely you’ll continue down the same road; think "credit scores". 
 
This week marked the end of another season of "The Biggest Loser". What is the likelihood that the winners will keep their weight off? Frankly, it’s not good. The first season’s winner—Ryan Benson—has gained most of the weight he lost and is back to 300 lbs.
 
After all, we set these goals for ourselves. Why is it so damn difficult to achieve them?
 
Over the next few Perspective Power messages, I’m going to teach you how to overcome the powerful psychological forces that cripple most people’s attempts at achieving their goals. In truth, your brain is chock full of mental quirks ready to drag you back into your old habits whenever you try and change. 
 
The Three Steps
There are three core steps to achieving your goals:
1. Define your journey
2. Plan your approach
3. Pull the trigger
 
Over the next three weeks, we’re going to look at each of these steps in turn…
 
Step 1: Define Your Journey
I recently had the pleasure of giving a series of workshops for the pre-sales force at a major corporation on how to give a dynamic presentation. One of the core teaching points was the need for absolute clarity around their objective on the platform. How were their prospects currently thinking, feeling and acting (Perspective A)? And, how did they want their prospects to think, feel and act after their sales presentation (Perspective B)? Once these salespeople clearly defined the journey they wanted to take their prospects on—from Perspective A to Perspective B—delivering an engaging and persuasive sales presentation became much easier. 

In exactly the same way, if you want to achieve a goal, you must define your journey. You must have crystal clear answers to two core questions: 
 
Question #1: Where are you now? (Situation A)
Be honest! Compared to this time last year, how much happier, more successful and fulfilled are you? What bad habits have you changed in the last twelve months? Do you even think about reaching for the sky any more? Or have you simply given up on your goals and dreams? If thinking about your current circumstances makes you feel bad, don’t beat yourself up, simply take responsibility—full responsibility—for the choices that got you to where you are now; and get ready to move forward.
 
Question #2: Where do you want to be? (Situation B)
Before you begin a project, you must have 100% clarity around your desired outcome. Here are some things to ponder:

• What are you truly passionate about? When you burn with enthusiasm and excitement, what’s on your mind? It might be creating software, singing or NASCAR. Do you love working with children? What sets your "passion pulse" racing? (Thank you Marcia Wieder!)
• What might your unique contribution be? What are you really great at doing? What have you always gotten compliments for? In what ways did you excel at college?              
• How does your goal serve those around you? We’re not talking "Mother Teresa" or "Gandhi" here. Rather, how could what you’re really great at benefit other people?

In summary: Your objective is to define the journey—from "Situation A" to "Situation B"—that would most enable you to passionately express your uniqueness in the service of other people. It’s this excitement for your chosen path and sense of purpose that will drive you to continue making the effort and changes you need en route to achievement.

Prime Your Brain
Here’s where most people make their first mistake, they never clearly define their journey. And, as a result, fail to prime their brain for success; a critical element to achieving your goals and dreams.
 
When you prime a pump, you set it up for immediate use. In a similar way, when you clearly define your journey—from "Situation A" to "Situation B"—you prime your brain to spot opportunities, insights and solutions that will help you achieve your goal.
 
Unfortunately, if you don’t define your journey, your brain doesn’t get primed and you’re likely to overlook the clues that would move you towards your objective.
 
In the context of goal-setting, here’s how you prime your brain:
Step 1: Write down specific answers to the question: Where am I now? (Situation A)
Step 2: Write down specific answers to the question: Where do I want to be? (Situation B)
Step 3: Mull over your answers, define your journey and commit your plan to paper. 
 
Cognitive Dissonance
In England, as passengers board a subway train, they hear the announcement: "mind the gap". This is a warning not to step into the space between the edge of the platform and the subway car. The warning is equally relevant when you set yourself a goal.
 
When you think about the gap between where you are today (Situation A) and where you’d like to be (Situation B), you should start to feel uncomfortable. The bigger the gap between Situations A and B, the more dissatisfaction you’ll feel with your current circumstances. This discomfort, which results from holding two conflicting thoughts at the same time, is called cognitive dissonance. 
 
Close The Gap
In order to resolve your discomfort, your brain will try to close the gap between Situations A and B. One way to close the gap is to give up; generally accompanied by a flurry of rationalizations and excuses. "I don’t have the right computer program," "I’ll do it tomorrow," etc. The other way to relieve dissonance and close the gap is by taking aim at your goal.
 
What determines which option you’ll choose?  Answer: The size of the gap between your current situation and goal, relative to your confidence that you can attain your goal. 
 
This is another common mistake that people make when goal setting. They assume—in a motivational, self-help kind of way—that the bigger their dream (i.e. the bigger the gap between Situations A and B), the more likely they are to achieve it.
 
Shooting for the stars will certainly increase your cognitive dissonance and hence your discomfort. Unfortunately, if you ramp up your discomfort too far beyond your level of confidence then the odds of succeeding tend towards zero. 

Here’s a better approach: Aim for as big a gap between Situations A and B as you can while, at the same time, keeping it believable; for you. I call this approach "The Goldilocks Strategy"…
 
The Goldilocks Strategy
Remember in the fairy story ‘Goldilocks and The Three bears’ when she first discovers the bowls of porridge and the beds? In both cases, one option was too small, one too big and the third…just right.
 
With respect to the journey you’ve defined for yourself, if the gap between Situations A and B is…
 
(a) Too small: You won’t experience any cognitive dissonance and therefore won’t have any motivation to change your behavior; you’re simply not reaching high enough.
 
(b) Too big: You won’t be totally convinced you can attain your goal.
 
(c) Just Right: Chart a campaign which you feel confident that, with focused persistence, you can win. A journey that will certainly be difficult and inspire you to greater performance but, nonetheless, absolutely believable for you.
 
For example, let’s say your goal is to write a novel…

• You might believe you can complete your novel, find a literary agent and convince a major New York publishing house to publish it. Great! Make that your goal, it’s just right!
• If, instead, you skipped the novel and committed to writing regularly in your journal, that would be setting your sights way too low.
• But don’t make your goal getting to #1 on the ‘New York Times’ Bestseller List unless you truly believe you can do it. If you are not truly convinced in your soul that you’re up to the task then, for you, the goal is too big.

To be clear, I’m not saying you couldn’t get on a bestseller list or that you should settle for less than your dream. I am saying that, at this point in time, your goal should be something that’s you find believable. Something you can wrap your head around and clearly visualize yourself achieving.

So, if you want to use the psychological power of cognitive dissonance to your advantage, ask yourself: Is my dream too small, too big or just right? 
 
In Summary:
There are three steps to achieving a goal. (1) Define Your Journey. (2) Plan Your Approach. (3) Pull The Trigger.
 
Today, we talked about how to define a believable journey that primes your brain. Once you have clarity around your journey you can plan your approach, the second step towards achieving your dreams, hopes and desires…
 
The next Perspective Power message—how to Plan Your Approach—will be posted on Thursday, December 27, 2007.
 
Wishing you continued success,
 
Steve