How To Conquer The Curse of Self-Distraction
April 22, 2010 by Dr. Steve Bedwell
Filed under Change Management
The biggest barrier to your success isn’t lack of opportunity, it’s perpetual distraction. I’m not talking about the advertising fire hose that blasts pressurized jets of “buy now” BS at your head all day long. That’s easy to plug—dump cable and add ad-blocking software to your internet browser; piece of cake!
And I’m not even talking about information overload; the ever-increasing stack of websites, books and DVDs you “should” study if you’re to have any chance(?) of being an effective executive or a good parent.
Self-Distraction
This message is about self-distraction. I had the rare (and wonderful) privilege of hearing John Williams conduct the Fort Worth Symphony on Tuesday night. It was an amazing experience to hear a range of instantly recognizable movie themes (Harry Potter, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, ET, Jaws, Close Encounters) conducted by the creative genius who composed them.
Williams has worked with Steven Spielberg for thirty-seven consecutive years which, as an artistic collaboration, must set some kind of record. (How long was Gilbert with Sullivan?) Williams told a great story about writing the musical score for Schindler’s List. He said to Spielberg: “This is such an incredible movie, you need a better composer”. “I know,” Spielberg replied, “…but they’re all dead!”
As much as I absolutely loved the concert, I caught myself thinking intrusive thoughts—I wonder if I’ll get to hear Jurassic Park?—from time to time. For most of the evening I listened to the orchestra, but occasionally—could they play Jurassic Park on the fly?—my mind wandered. And the more I tried to focus—should yell out a request?—the more distracting my intrusive thoughts became.
Rethinking Tired Thoughts
Here’s the thing: Whenever you try to take positive steps in a new and valued direction there are inevitably problems to solve, decisions to make, some frustration and anxiety. These problems, decisions and emotions can be attention-grabbing distractions and—when they intrude upon your attempts to stay focused—hinder every attempt you make to work towards your high-priority goals.
We are frequently distracted by our own thoughts, reliving unpleasant situations (plotting revenge?) worrying about the future, and rethinking tired thoughts that invariably lead to the same conclusions. Not only does this waste a ton of valuable time and pump our stress levels through the roof, it distracts us from completing the high-priority tasks that really make a difference. Imagine if you were able to stay hyper-focused, on task and simply let these self-distractions come and go as they please. How much more productive would you be?
The Self-Distraction Exercise
The solution to this problem is to learn how to unhook yourself from your own distracting thoughts. Here’s how: Find a quiet place and a block of 10 minutes in your schedule where you won’t be disturbed. Sit back in the chair, with your feet flat on the floor and close your eyes. You can also do this exercise lying on a bed (although you might get a few stares from the other customers in Mattress Warehouse) your head supported by a pillow and your arms relaxed by your side.
Take a deep breath in. Then, as you breath out, relax and feel the tension leaving your body. Then allow your breath to find it’s own rhythm, don’t make any attempt to control it.
Your objective for the next 10 minutes is simply to focus on your breathing, allow your thoughts to come and go as they please and not get hooked into ruminating over them. Every time a thought pops into your mind, label it “thought” and then let it go. That’s the goal, very simple…but not easy.
As you try this exercise, here’s what you’ll find: The very moment you sit still and quiet your mind, thoughts will begin bubbling up from your unconscious. And, believe me, mentally pushing them away won’t help. You can’t stop the voice in your head. You can’t stop making up stuff. And so, rather than trying to suppress your thoughts, label them and let them go. (By the way, if you’ve got multiple voices in your head that’s a problem way beyond the scope of this blog post!)
Leaves on a Stream
Here’s an alternative to focusing on your breathing. It’s a visualization I find immensely helpful in unhooking myself from thoughts and letting them go. (This “Leaves on a Stream” metaphor was suggested by psychologist Steve Hayes—the founder of Acceptance & Commitment Therapy—the cheesy jokes are all mine.) Imagine you’re sitting in front of a clear mountain stream. The sunlight is glistening off a steady flow of trickling water. (FYI: It’s a good idea to pee before beginning this exercise.)
In your mind’s eye, visualize leaves gently bobbing as they flow past on the surface of the water. Now, whenever you notice a thought—and you will, I promise—rather than bounce around inside your head, label it “thought,” place it on a leaf and let it go. Whatever the thought, pleasurable or otherwise (even if your thought is “this exercise is dumb,”) label, leaf, let go. Each and every time, label, leaf, let go.
Staying On Task
Every time you try this exercise, you’re getting practice at gently unhooking yourself from your own distracting thoughts. If you commit to developing this vital mental skill (I would suggest once a day, 10 minutes maximum) guess what’s going to happen next time you’re trying to meet a deadline, reply to a string of emails or listen to a John Williams concert. That’s right, because you’ve been practicing (and you are going to practice, right?) you’ll be far more skilled at letting disruptive thoughts go and staying on task; even if that task is simply living in the moment and having more fun.
Audio Guidance
Most people find visualization exercises easier if they’re guided through them. I’m preparing a 10 minute recording (an MP3 file that you can listen to on an iPod or computer) to help you guys master The Self-Distraction Exercise. It’s available for free to anyone who leaves an idea, question or comment in the “speak your mind” box below…
I am thinking this is like meditation!
Hi Anita,
Great observation. As I scoured the scientific literature searching for the simple secrets to living an effective and happy life, one of the things that surprised me was how widely diverse strategic approaches to success and fulfillment share many, many common tactics. For example, labeling and letting go are an integral part of the self-distraction exercise.
Using labeling as a way of getting a handle on a problem is common to many critical thinking systems, cognitive therapies and neuro-linguistic programming. Similarly letting go of distracting thoughts (as opposed to trying to suppress or argue with them) is a recurring theme in the emotional-intelligence literature, cognitive therapy and meditation.
My goal has always been to weave these common threads into a cohesive approach for thinking clearly, letting go of toxic emotions and taking effective action towards valued goals. My Two QuestionsTM approach to professional and personal success is an attempt to bridge the crevasse between neuroscience and daily living. None of my psychological tactics require adherence to any particular belief-system, which is why they’re popular in the diverse cultures of business and health care.
I’ll send you the MP3 on Monday, I would love to hear how you get on. Have a great weekend,
Steve
Geez…you are so right…my mind was wandering even as I read the article.
I need the MP3!!!!
Ouch! That’s funny!
Sounds like you’re ready for the weekend
I’ll send you the MP3 on Monday,
S.
Suggestions sound plausible, but do they really work? They almost sound too easy. Will have to try.
This is so true and I would have never have thought that this meditation exercise would have been a method to assist in clearing the disruptions. What an excellent idea. Thanks.
Hi Teresa, Holly, Jon and Anita,
I’ve sent the MP3 as promised. If you haven’t received it, please let me know and I will find another method of delivery.
I would love to hear how you get on with this psychological strategy,
Steve
I have been practicing yoga for awhile and breathing is the center point of this practice. The instructor talks about just letting the thoughts that come up go but I have not found that easy. The idea of labling them is a great idea and will help inletting them go. Thanks
Hi Pat,
Thanks for the yoga observation.
Here’s something you might find integrates more easily with your yoga practice than the “leaves on a stream” metaphor. When you notice a thought, label it “thought,” let it go and then immediately shift your focus back to your breathing. It’s important not to struggle with our thoughts; upsetting or otherwise.
The key is to acknowledge the thought (that’s the labeling part) and then let it go (release yourself from the struggle). “Letting it go” doesn’t mean push it away or suppress it. It simply means, let it be and return to your valued activity (in this case your yoga).
Check out your email inbox for the MP3. Try the “leaves on a stream” exercise in conjunction with your yoga…I would love to hear how you get on.
Steve
Steve,
My wife just sent me some information from your website. This article is especially helpful for those of us with ADD. We are Already Desperately Distracted, so anything we can do to focus is valuable. I will give it a try.
Looking forward to the MP3
Hey Dan,
ADD = “Already Desperately Distracted”. I like it!
I’m on the road until Wednesday, will send the MP3 when I get back into the office.
Let me know how you get on with this approach to heightened focus,
Steve
When we think of something from current to past events that were unhappy we often start to re-adapt the mood we felt at the time of the experience. Well it works both ways if we really put the effort into concentrating about a fun or brilliant event,excitement and happiness we can lift our mood to how we felt at that point. It helps us learn to live in the moment,and look for the good in things,and re minds us there is always hope and good to come.. Practising this the best possible to our ability,a bit everyday,good day or bad, can help us retrain our brain,and becomes easier each time to snap us out of our unhappy states of mind..Practice makes perfect!
I would love to get mp3s of these exercises. I find them mush easier when I listen to someone guiding me rather doing it on my own.
Hi Adam,
Thanks for the comment, check your inbox for the MP3. I would love to hear how you get on.
Best wishes,
Steve
Hi Steve,
Thanks for the visualization suggestion. Its simple, elegent and effective! I have been facilitating meditation and stress management for a while now and would love to pass on your tip to my clients as well as add this link to my site which is a spiritual support website. Thank you for sharing!
You’re welcome Jin and thanks for the link,
Steve
I need anything to make me able to focus on one thing at a time. I think distractions have become a habit for me.
Funny that as soon as I finished reading this article and during, I kept thinking about checking on the washing machine, and spraying my leather jacket with protector.
Haha.
I would love a copy of your MP3. It surely would help a lot.
I throughly enjoyed your articles. Found your blog today, and will certainly become a frequent viewer.
Cheers,
Simon H
Hi Simon,
So glad you enjoyed the message. I look forward to your observations on future posts. I’ve sent you the MP3. If, by any chance, it doesn’t arrive, let me know and I’ll resend it.
Cheers,
Steve
Simple and easy. I feel hounded by thoughts, particulary when studying. it takes three tImes to read the same material.
Thoughts keep proping up, whilst working. Distracts me from what I should be focusing on.
Labelling a thought just as a thought, there and then makes it a single entity I.e just one word a thought.
I’d love to try this. Please send, thanks a bunch!
I keep getting thoughts from the past, when I’m driving, in the shower or where ever, just thoughts
I think that article is informative.
Thank you Dr Steve for your hard work. This paper seems to be incorporating psychology with spirituality. Is Yoga compatible with other Religious spiritual activities? Must you choose a leading one and others follow or you simply forget and follow your heart.
I however cherish the pursuit of wisdom I perceive you are investing in. I am starting to learn what you teach. I am desperate for growth, success and readiness to help many grow out of poverty in my country South Africa.
Hey Steve,
Throughout my life I’ve been easily distracted whenever I’ve attempted to do almost anything from reading, to watching my favorite movies, TV shows, school, etc. I’ve just recently taken on a new career with a million more distractions (loud noises, nervousness from managers watching over me consistently, etc.) you can only imagine the amount of distracting thoughts that race through my mind daily which causes me the headaches of foggy, clouded mind and immediate forgetfulness.
I’ve thought about the dr. to see if I’m ADD (Already Desperately Distracted, great analogy btw.) prone, but in my stubbornness I haven’t gone due to not wanting to be given any drugs with a billion side effects to attempt to solve the issue. So I’m looking for any natural way to help. Interested in the “labeling idea” and would like to try out your audio.
Hi Anthony,
Thanks for the message. Sorry to hear you’re so “ADD” right now, especially with the new career. I’ll send the url for the mp3 download to your email address. Let me know how you get on.
All the best with your new job,
Steve